My Inner World of Confusion|
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|Wednesday, June 6th, 2007|
|Gedachtenspinsels over Fout Gedrag
Een paar dagen geleden keek ik een programma over afkicken. Nu heb ik altijd enorm respect voor mensen die daardoorheen zijn geweest. Natuurlijk hadden ze nooit moeten beginnen enzovoorts, maar het lijkt mij de absolute hel.
Ten eerste viel het me al op dat zeker de helft er zat vanwege verslaving aan wiet, terwijl mij toch altijd is verteld dat je dagelijkse kop koffie verslavender is. Voor mij kwam de klap op de vuurpijl toen er bij één van de identieke MartijnJochemDennisRoberts aan werd toegevoegd dat de beste man verslaafd was aan internetporno.
Meteen schoot me een gesprek te binnen dat ik van het weekend op een feest had over wilskracht. Volgens mij ging er hier iets fout en werd verslaving verward met het niet kunnen opbrengen van de wilskracht om ergens mee te stoppen. Voor mij geen verslaving, hoewel compulsief gedrag net zo vervelend is. Maar ik zie afkicken misschien teveel als lichamelijk, en kon die jongen dus niet zwetend in een bed voor me zien terwijl hij schreeuwde om blote vrouwen. Nee dat is niet waar, dat kan ik juist te goed voor me zien en daarom werd het absurd.
Enfin, het bleek ook allemaal niet zo heftig. Volgens het slachtoffer was het “meer iets wat ik dan ’s avonds ga doen als ik me erg verveel enzo, weet je wel.” Hetgeen fantastisch is, want dan ben ik dus verslaafd aan het spelen van Patience op de PC. Daar gaan ze nog van staan te kijken bij de Jellinek.
Rehabilitatie is ontzettend hip, en die klinieken hebben wachtlijsten. Sla de bladen maar open, iedereen heeft er één. Ik snap het niet. Nog buiten het feit dat het voor mij blijft klinken als iets dat het WWF doet met tropische dieren en het stuitende idee dat je mensen kan drillen tot uniforme dingetjes die dan weer de maatschappij in mogen, en dat iemand met drie jaar HBO creatieve therapie dus kan bepalen wat wenselijk gedrag is.
Rehabilitatie duidt op het idee dat je gedrag een smet was op het blazoen van de medelanders en dat je nu gaat leren hoe het hoort. Het vreemde is dat ik verdomd weinig last heb van de gemiddelde intraveneus drugsgebruiker. Toegegeven, eentje heeft een keer mijn fiets gejat, en ze zorgen dat de gang richting Bioscoop Catharijne (Doe Het Niet) een nóg minder fijne ervaring is dan vroeger. Maar echt last, nee. Degenen die rehabilitatie nodig hebben krijgen er geen.
Waar zijn de klinieken voor mensen die door de film heen praten? Voor mensen die bellen in de trein met een volume alsof ze als back-up graag woordelijk te verstaan willen zijn in Ommen? De mensen die de roltrap versperren of met zijn vieren naast elkaar fietsen? Dat zijn kleine dingen, maar het zijn wel dezelfde mensen. Mensen die oprecht niet doorhebben dat er mensen om ze heen zitten, of erger: die het van ondergeschikt belang vinden aan het mobiel doorgeven van de prijs van de worteltjes. En dat moet er toch uit te therapieën zijn, en dat gebeurt dus niet. Want we hebben gekozen om dit normaal te vinden en de man die zijn eigen gezondheid in een stil hoekje naar de Chaldeeën helpt niet.
Want die laatste kost geld. Daar zit hem natuurlijk de kneep: als hij een overdosis krijgt moeten wij als brave belastingbetalers de ambulance bekostigen. Komt nog bij dat hij geregeld een ruitje intikt om zijn dure hobby te betalen. Maar heeft iemand ooit onderzocht hoeveel mensen een hartaanval krijgen nadat ze constateren dat iemand voordringt bij de kassa? Het verlies aan de verkoop van treinkaartjes omdat je wel uitkijkt om je in de stationshel te wagen? Ik ben benieuwd. Voer voor statistici. Current Mood: content
|Tuesday, June 5th, 2007|
|Gemaakt van Huiswerk en Optimisme, negeer indien gewenst. Niet uitspoelen.
Ha! Livejournal is een perfect discussiemiddel. Ik heb de laatste tijd niet gepost maar wel veel gelezen. En het valt me op dat ik in bijna ieder Journal wel een post heb gezien van een “alles gaat zo kut met onze mooie zesenveertigchromosomige diersoort”-achtige strekking. Dus denk ik: hoe beter een leuke discussie te openen dan op een Journal? Al wie hier iets in zien hale er voordeel uit, al wie mij willen affakkelen, kom op met die toorts.
Ik wil bij deze een lans breken voor een leukere wereld. Of eigenlijk voor een leukere perceptie van de wereld.
Het valt me op dat de klaagcultuur de spuigaten absoluut aan het uitlopen is. Kijk voor de lol eens in een ingezonden-brieven-rubriek van een willekeurig dagblad. Buiten het feit dat de inhoud belachelijk is en de spelling afwezig moet je iets opvallen. Het gaat helemaal nooit over ‘Ik ben gisteren wezen eten bij mijn Turkse buurman en het was hartstikke leuk’. Het gaat over racisme, pessimisme, onbegrip en egocentrisme, en het erge is dat ze niet doorhebben dat ze het zelf ook doen. “Ik ben verkeerd behandeld, dus alle politici deugen niet!””Jullie helpen allemaal het milieu naar de kloten, ik ben vegetariër en dus een lichtend voorbeeld voor de hele mensheid!” Dat ook. En alle buitenlanders lopen alleen maar in de weg en de laatste ozonlaagmoleculen klampen zich huilend aan elkaar vast en de G8 top is een samenzwering om de wereld te ontdoen van al haar schone drinkwater en te bevrijden van eventueel per ongeluk nog aanwezige mensenrechten. Hou toch alsjeblieft op allemaal. Ik wordt niet moe van de wereld, maar ik begin moe te worden van mensen die moe worden van de wereld.
Toen ik in Istanbul zat te eten met Erik hadden we een lang gesprek over religie en de toekomst van de rol van geloof. Waar Erik de nadruk legde op terrorisme, vervreemding en het onrechtelijk bekeren van zwakbegaafden, voelde ik me voordurend gedwongen het voor religie op te nemen. Niet omdat ik geloof dat het één fantastische helende kracht is, integendeel. Maar omdat ik ook hier weer zo moe wordt van onbegrip, klagen klagen klagen. Of zoals ik al zei tegen Erik “omdat ik weiger te leven in een wereld waar ik de hele dag angstig moet uitgaan van het meest pessimistische scenario.”
Dat geldt voor alles. Ik heb hoop. Hoop voor de wereld, voor het milieu, voor rechtvaardigheid en tolerantie. Niet omdat ik naïef ben, maar omdat we het anders op kunnen geven met zijn allen. Als we toch zeker weten dat we binnen tien jaar worden verzwolgen door een door atoomkrachten opgewekte massale ziektuitbraak-cum-apocalytische-vloedgol
f kunnen we nu net zo goed met onze twintig kilo overgewicht en Nintendo Wii in een kamer gaan zitten en er niet meer uitkomen.
Maar ik geloof oprecht dat mensen daar niet voor bedoeld zijn, en ik geloof ook niet in de universele slecht- of stomheid van de mens. Niet omdat ik het me niet kan voorstellen, maar omdat ik het me niet WIL voorstellen. Ik wil geloven dat de mensen die hun kinderen voor de trein gooien en eenzame mannen infecteren met besmet bloed losse gekken zijn. Daarom doe ik mijn best op mijn eigen kleine manier: omdat ik een wereld wil waar het zin heeft je afval te scheiden, je eigen boodschappentas te gebruiken en brieven voor Amnesty te schrijven. En de preapocalyptische mesthoop die sommige mensen om zich heen mensen te zien is zeker niet zo’n wereld.
Ik wil geloven dat er een mens-zijn is dat iedereen verbind en dat een dergelijke notie het uiteindelijk gaat winnen. Alleen is het met de wereld net als met losse personen: als je zinkt moet je eerst bij de grond komen om je af te kunnen zetten naar boven. Noem me onrealistisch, maar ik geloof dat er maar één gedachtetrend destructiever is dan egocentrisme en dat is doemdenken. Steek je hoofd maar in die guillotine, ik doe niet mee.
Ik ben nu toevallig mijn samenvatting aan het maken voor Godsdienstsociologie, en dat is een soort wedstrijd lelijke neologismen. Ik doe bij deze ook een duit in het zakje: ik baal van de toenemende gothicificatie van het denken. Ik weet geen oplossingen voor vervreemding, intolerantie en oppervlakkigheid. Ik weet wel dat je erin koesteren en het als een doel op zich gaan zien er helemaal geen steek aan gaat veranderen. Bij deze mijn oproep: negeren. Producten milieuonvriendelijk gemaakt? Niet kopen. Forum vol neofacistische idioten? Niet posten. Televisie inhoudsloos geworden (volgens mij is televisiekijken voor de inhoud net zoiets als Playboy lezen voor de artikelen, maar allez)? Niet aanzetten!
Lieve mensen, verf je muren in een opwekkende kleur, kweek je eigen groentes als je daar het geduld voor hebt, glimlach in de metro gewoon naar kindjes in alle kleuren van de regenboog en maak je eigen mooie wereld.
Om mijn zeer wijze opa te citeren “Geen zorgen voor de dag van morgen, iedere dag heeft meer dan genoeg aan haar eigen kwaad.” Current Mood: contemplative
|Monday, January 29th, 2007|
|Het mooie van Nieuwe Beginnen- je krijgt er zoveel als je wilt.
Ik ga dit Journal maar weer eens een kickstart geven: poging 36754.
Ik heb namelijk gemerkt dat ik het een beetje mis, zeker omdat ik die van anderen nog wel volg. Vandaar dus.
Alleen vandaag nog niet. Ik heb nog precies een uur de tijd om een onderzoeksvoorstel te formuleren. Ik vraag me wel eens af waarom die dingen per sé een kantje moeten zijn. Als ik nu in 10 regels kan uitleggen wat ik ga onderzoeken en waarom zou dat toch ook moeten kunnen...maar allez. Eens zien op hoeveel manieren ik precies hetzelfde kan zeggen.
Post ik toch maar even twee dingen die ik dagen geleden al heb gemaakt: het lijstje dat ik heb gejat van Ben en dat ik geinig vond, en de Bijbelquiz met een hoogst Godsdienstwetenschapper-waardige score. Wel weer eng dat er dan op het einde iets komt te staan van: you are such an expert on the Bible, you must surely read it every day! Ehm...zoals mijn vader al zei: "Je slaat wel eens een dagje over". ;)
1. Put numbers in the boxes instead of x's (example: 1, 2, 3, 4, ...)
2. Repost as "I have lived through ____ of these 158 things. "
I have lived through 89 of these 158 things.
 I have read a lot of books.
 I have been on some sort of varsity team.
 I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.
 I have been to Canada.
 I have been to Europe.
 I have watched cartoons for hours.
 I have tripped UP the stairs.
 I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
 I have been snowboarding/skiing.
 I have played ping pong.
 I swam in the ocean.
 I have been on a whale watch.
 I have seen fireworks.
 I have seen a shooting star.
 I have seen a meteor shower.
 I have almost drowned.
 I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.
 I have listened to one CD over and over and over again.
 I have had stitches.
 I have had frostbite.
 I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.
 I have stayed up til 2 doing homework/projects.
 I currently have a job.
 I have been ice skating.
 I have been rollerblading.
 I have fallen flat on my face.
 I have tripped over my own two feet.
 I have been in a fist fight.
 I have played videogames for more than 3 hours straight.
 I have watched the power rangers.
 I attend(ed) Church regularly.
 I have played truth or dare.
 I have already had my 16th birthday.
 I have already had my 17th birthday.
 I've called someone stupid.
 I've been in a verbal argument.
 I've cried in school.
 I've played basketball on a team.
 I've played baseball on a team.
 I've played football on a team.
 I've played soccer on a team.
 I've played softball on a team.
 I've played volleyball on a team.
 I've played tennis on a team.
 I've been on a track or cross country team.
 I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
 I've bungee jumped.
 I've climbed a rock wall.
 I've lost more than $20.
 I've called myself an idiot.
 I've called someone else an idiot.
 I've cried myself to sleep.
 I've had (or have) pets.
 I've owned a spice girls CD.
 I've owned a britney spears CD.
 I've owned an N*Sync CD.
 I've owned a backstreet boys CD.
 I've mooned someone.
 I have sworn at someone of authority before.
 I've been in the newspaper.
 I've been on TV.
 I've been to Hawaii.
 I've eaten sushi.
 I've been on the other side of a waterfall.
 I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
 I've watched all the Harry Potter movies.
 I've watched all of the Rocky movies.
 I've watched the 3 stooges.
 I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica.
 I've watched Looney Tunes.
 I've been stuffed into a locker/I have stuffed others into lockers.
 I've been called a geek.
 I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade.
 I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.
 I've hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs.
 I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours.
 I've met a celebrity/music artist.
 I've written poetry.
 I've been arrested.
 I've been attracted to someone much older than me.
 I've been tickled till I've cried.
 I've tickled someone else until they cried.
 I've had/have siblings.
 I've been to a rock concert.
 I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
 I've been in a play.
 I've been picked last in gym class.
 I've been picked first in gym class.
 I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.
 I've cried in front of my friends.
 I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages.
 I've played Halo 2.
 I've freaked out over a sports game.
 I've been to Alaska.
 I've been to China.
 I've been to Spain.
 I've been to Japan.
 I've had a fight with someone on AIM.
 I've had a fight with someone face-to-face.
 I've had serious conversations on any IM.
 I've forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me.
 I've been forgiven.
 I've screamed at a scary movie.
 I've cried at a chick flick.
 I've watched a lot of action movies.
 I've screamed at the top of my lung.
 I've been to a rap concert.
 I've been to a hip hop concert.
 I've lived in more than 2 houses.
 I've driven on the highway/been on the highway.
 I've driven more than 40 miles in a day/been in a car that went more than 40 miles in a day.
 I've been in a car accident.
 I've done drugs.
 I've been homesick.
 I've thrown up.
 I've puked on someone.
 I've been horseback riding.
 I've filled out more than 10 myspace surveys.
 I've spoken my mind in public.
 I've proved someone wrong.
 I've been proven wrong by someone.
 I've broken a leg.
 I've broken an arm.
 I've fallen off a swing.
 I've swung on a swing for more than 30 minutes straight
 I've watched Winnie the Pooh movies.
 I've forgotten my backpack when I've gone to school.
 I've lost my backpack.
 I've come close to dying.
 I've seen someone die.
 I've known someone who has died.
 I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point.
 I've done modeling.
 I've forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings.
 I've taken something/someone for granted.
 I've realized how good my life is.
 I've counted my blessings.
 I've made fun of a classmate.
 I've been asked out by someone and I said no.
 I've slapped someone in the face.
 I've been skateboarding.
 I've been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend.
 I've lied to someone to their face.
 I've told a little white lie.
 I've taken a day off from school just so I don't go insane.
 I've fainted.
 I've had an argument with someone about whether cheerleading is a sport or not.
 I've pushed someone into a pool.
 I've been pushed into a pool.
 I've been/am in love.
You know the Bible 92%! Current Mood: busy
Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!
Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes
|Tuesday, October 4th, 2005|
|Just a blogthingie...
You are the Magician card. Magick is the use of the
will to effect change in reality. The will is
the ability to direct knowledge and experience
towards an end goal. The Magician is capable of
manipulating his environment because he knows
it so well. He effects the thoughts and
emotions of those around him. Therefore, the
Magician is often thought of as an artist,
writing or speaking in a way that strongly
influences others. The Magician understands how
to bring concepts into form and how to express
metaphysical concepts in a physical way. He is
seen with the symbols of each suit: a disk, a
cup, a sword and a wand. These symbols are each
a physical expression of a concept. They are
The Magician's tools. Following after The Fool,
The Magician acts as a messenger. His planet is
Mercury, who is Messenger of the Gods. He
brings The Fool into the new world that The
Fool seeks. The Magician represents the act of
creation. Because he can use his knowledge to
form something new, he seems to be able to make
a thing appear out of a void. Image from: L. S.
Irish.http://www.muttart.com/originals/magician.htm Which Tarot Card Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
|Thursday, September 1st, 2005|
|What's with the back?
And so, the circus has begun. Today I spent 2-and-a-half hours in the hospital getting examined, x-rayed and beraved of my precious blood. With seemingly no results whatsowever, but at least thare are some things I can exclude right now. I am not giving up that easily. I am sure I have many more tests and hospitals yet to come, but I WILL find out what I wrong with me. Bring it!( The Random Question Meme!Collapse ) Current Mood: restless
|Friday, August 26th, 2005|
|Alea Iacta Est
I am not intending to tell or re-tell the entire story here again.
Yes, I left Cauldron. Things had comc to a point where I, and worse my friends, got neglected or insulted one time too often.
As I write this the mudslinging has begun. And, unsurprisingly, it isn't coming from our direction. And it never will be. I consider us way above the actions we were accused of. It simply isn't true, and if the fear of us eventually getting our own event is so high it is worth lying for...*sigh*.
For now, this is becoming a fulltime job and I am sick and tired of it all. My heart knows this was the right, one, and only descision I could make. I am still happy I did it. But I will not write extensively about it, because the 'situation' already used up 80% of my words for today. I'll use the rest for chit-chat, looking forward to LARP and commenting on bad late-night TV. Something tells me I won't sleep all that well.
This is where the rant is: http://www.livejournal.com/users/sna/
For now, the words of my dear friend will be more then sufficient.
PS: Keep asking questions. No matter if I am tired of it, I will rather have 50 people at MSN at the same time then one person who believes certain rumours. I can only hope that truth was able to take full flight before accusations shot it out of the air. Current Mood: determined
|Monday, August 1st, 2005|
|All doctors hate people
I am in a pretty angry mood today. And you don't have to know me that well to know I am not angered easily at all.
This morning I went to see the doctor about my back (new face again, thank god this one didn't seem to have received her degree from the backside of a cornflakes box) and things didn't went as I expected.
Again, I didn't feel listened to. Or acknowledged. Or noticed at all. She kept looking at her screen, occasionally frowning and saying either 'that is impossible' or 'that is serious'. I told her I have been in almost constant pain since I was 15, and that it has brought me to a point where I am not able to function as a normal 21-year old. 'that is serious'. And I want to be able to stand for more then 15 minutes. Nod. Or lift things. Or carry things. Or fall asleep cuddled up next to my love instead of cramped up on the fucking other side of the bed in the one position that doen't cause me to be in too much pain to sleep. Nod. Could it be in any way related to the fact that I have changed my anticonception pill to one with a higher hormone level. 'That is impossible'. What could it be then? Frown. Can I go to see a specialist? 'Sure'. You think it can be reuma? Or a hernia? No idea. Frown. COME ON WOMAN! THINK WITH ME! When I came back home I felt like crying.
Especially when I called the specialist and I got his assistant.
"That will be in the second half of januari"
"I am sorry, I heard januari."
"I SAID januari. *cheerful voice* "Can I put you down for an appointment?"
"Januari? I don't need a treatment or something. Just some pictures and blood tests."
"Really? Then what do you need the reumatologist for? We do pictures all the time. Your doctor must be mistaking."
So I called back the doctor and got HER assistant. Who scorned me for calling 5 minutes late for the public hour and kept nagging until I hung up.
I wonder if there is any doctor who knows chronic pain from experience. Who knows what it is like to be unable to perform normal fysical tasks for years in a row. Being unable to go backpacking. Unable to go to certain lives. Unable to go to the shops and carry more than about 2 kilograms of stuff. Unable to paint a wall, lift a box or cook, on the worse days. I wonder if they would keep saying 'it will pass', 'what does your fysio say?''are you doing your exercizes?'(Not on most days, because it hurts!) and the ultimate help 'why don't you just take an aspirin and have a nice day of rest, eh?' Aspirin! Rest! Geez, I never thought of that, goddammit Sherlock! Maybe I will try rest in the intervals of my busy schedule training for the marathon, hunting moose on the tundra and pulling fucking jeeps out of the mud!
And now I have to go for a blood test tomorrow, because I am still tired all day long. Now the doctor was shocked. I had to go for the test soom, and if there were no results I was to come back, and she would try whatever she could. I tried to explain that the sleepyness didn't bother me half as much as the back, but to no avail. She kept ignoring and ignoring it all.
For the rest I am good, a bit stressed but quite happy and looking forward to the LRPing season. But until now I haven't been able to make a LRP like I used to, without pain or giving up halfway trough. I hope I will be able to play like I used to, I really really do... Current Mood: worried
|Saturday, June 25th, 2005|
|Maybe cats can be suicidal too
Today was nothing special, I woke up almost choking with heat only to find that the temperature outside actually dropped. So I am as happy as can be, I almost forgot what it is like to inhale. Now I am accustomed to the new temperature and enjoying every minute of it.
I have done some odd jobs around the house.
The big news of the day is that my cat Nelson just appeared to have made a suicide attempt or just a very foolish action. I was on the phone with Hans when my mother called that Nelson was trying to get out of the window. So I went to my brothers room and saw the poor cat with his head stuck through (and also quite literally stuck IN) the luxaflex. When he heared me coming in he pulled his head back and he looked a bit punky. Cats are not supposed to mangle themselves through luxaflex. It looks like that for a reason.
Anyway he looked at me and then started to prepare to take the plummit with his entire body. He was halfway through when my mum started to get nervous. We are in the attic and both enormous cowards when it comes to heights. Neither of us looked forward to having to drag the cat out of the gutter to save his ass, because that very small gutter is the only place the cat could go, exept To A Certain Death about 10 meters lower. I know some cats could make the distance easily, but somehow I feel that Nelson couldn't. He is not an athlete (nor a hunter, a sprinter, a fighter or a cat at all, when it comes to this)and somehow I do not know if he understands jumping down would be a bad thing. But it was all solved when my mum pulled him back by his tail (no more cat left to grab), increasing the punk look and somehow insulting him. He is now in the bathroom, sulking. I know it is silly, but for a moment I really feared he would fall down. I just love the Big Fat Coward. He is the biggest non-cat in the Western World. If my biggest achievement as a cat so far would be catching a handicapped frog and then panicking out, I would be suicidal too. Who knows.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the amount of time I spent describing silly and unimportant things like this clearly shows that I have no life whatsoever. Please realize that you all have jobs and schools and interesting hobbies like sporting, clubbing and Big Game hunting while I am at home with too much time on my hands. So remember that when you feel the urge to call me and say I am boring and/or pathetic, just shrug and go do something fun. Thank you very much in advance. Current Mood: mellow
|Friday, June 24th, 2005|
|Too hot for a rebel overtake
I was planning on writing something today, but instead of that the lovely Sanne and I have decided to go to the city. She called me to ask if I wanted to participate in a rebellion 'against everything'. The only bad thing is that it is too hot to be any other rebel than a Rebel Inuit.
So now we decided we will call it Organized Rebellion and it will just consist of the two of us going to have some dinner on a terrace with loads of white wine. I will wear a colorful bandana though. Ever the rebel.
|Thursday, June 23rd, 2005|
|Too Hot or Not Too Hot, that is the Question...
So today I find myself still busy heatbusting. In my case that actually means climbing a stunning two stairs to find my bedroom window, opening it, falling on the bed panting, climbing down again stopping halfway to take a deep breath in my fathers lovely air conditioned office, and going down to the terrace to eat ice-cubes and complain about the heat to my mother, who will lose interest after about five minutes so I have to swith to my cat. She recommends stretching yourself as far as you can on the floor, preferably in a strange backwards curl, and looking aloof. I tried it but now the people in the flat behind me look at me all strange and my back hurts.
I hate hate hate the sun. I knew I had at least some vampire blood in me...I am hiding behind my curtains because it buurrrnsss.
I didn't do much at all today. I cleaned up a bit, and even tried to help my mother clean my brothers room so that it will be nice when he comes home from England again. Unfortunately a strap from his gasmask (don't ask. We are one of THOSE families) got stuck in the vacuum cleaner and we thought it was too silly a problem to take to the store. That cost us some valuable time.
The one thing I did today was going to the doctor so he could give me medication for my back. I know my exersizes should help, but that is a long-time solution. It would be nice to have strong back muscles. Or an overall strong muscular corset as they call it (I know, BAD mental images. Very fleshcrafty thing)but pain in back must stop. Now. So I went to the doctor only to find my regular doctor wasn't there. His replacement was looking nervous, typing with one finger all the time while having trouble spelling every word over four syllables. When he asked for my date of birth and I gave it to him he was silent for about 20 seconds and then muttered: "Er...what number is october again?" Alright. Keep smiling to encourage him.
He gave me some medication though, and now I am praying to all gods known and unknown that it is the one I actually need, because it says nothing about pain the the muscles on the back. The problem with me is that I have a firm trust in Western Medicine (ok, a little less in Doc Clumsy) and pain in back must really really stop. So I started taking them anyway. Side effects may include severe stomach aches, double vision, headache, violent vomiting and a plethora of other problems including death, disaster and abduction by aliens. Luckily enough, memory loss and confusion are among them. So if one of you guys runs into me one of these days and I cannot remember who I am anymore, be so kind as to tell me I am anything but a sufferer from chronic backaches. I will be all the happier for it. Telling me I am a famous politician or polar bear hunter or anything is optional.
Another nice thing that happened today is that I red on the Cauldron-forum there is gonna be a Star Wars LRP in the autumn. So now I can spend my time lying on the couch dying from the heat but also fantasizing about how awesome THAT would be, which makes it all the way better. Tuuuh Tuuuh Tutututuuuuuuh Tu Tututu Tuuuuuh Tu tututu Tuuuh... Current Mood: okay
|Monday, June 20th, 2005|
|This will be the day that I melt.
So I found my Journal again, and it is time for the 5674th officially announced restart. Maybe it will work better for me this time if I do NOT promise that I will be a good girl, update every day and write long posts in one go (and stop drinking, excersize on a regular basis, go to bed before midnight, take up volunteering to help community and the entire How To Be Holy in 12 Easy Steps package) if I can not hold on to the promise.
So I will do multiple bad things this time:
1. I will not try to update for the missing 5 months of this journal. The LRPs and social events I attended were all cool, the world is still there and the people I love are loved by me without alteration no matter how long I haven't spoken to them. They know very well who they are. Exeption is for Hans, who is my lover nowadays and should get his little moment in the sun: love you the most.
2. I will not read all the posts of all my friends of the past 5 months. I hope some people said nice things about me in posts and tests and I wish I could read it all but no can do: I am just too damned lazy.
3. I will not even make this post very long, since the world is ending anyhow in a pre-apocalyptic pool of lava that is slowly boiling the grey mass in my head to make it easier for it to try to escape through my ears. My entire body is somehow busy storing heat instead of letting it out, so I had to close all the ventilation units in my brain to restrain my body from self-destructing. I am sorry for any inconvenience. I don't go well with hot weather.
4. I will even not even oblique the fact this is a useless non-post by posting a plethora of useless (what type of environment-safe air refreshener are you?) or kinda cool (Jedi! Jedi!) tests with neat pictures. Maybe later.
LiveJournal I am back. More cynical, more realistic and slightly meaner. More me. I like it. Current Mood: hot
|Tuesday, January 25th, 2005|
|Yeah...sure. Like the back wasn't ruined already.
I had a very good weekend. Gladiator was good, though there were very little players. People were in character pretty much all the time. Plus, I really had time to talk to some people I hadn't spoken in a while. I still wish I had been able to go to Raganorck as well, but I was needed at Gladiator. I didnt really get into my part too well, which was a pity since the rest did splendid as ever. It was supposed to be Ezra the second in a way, but it just didnt come out too well. The really bad part is that I somehow really damaged my back out there. Maybe it was the cold, the moist, the fighting, or a combination of all those factors. I am staying home from work for two days now. Today I am just being glad that I can sit and type at all, couldn't manage that yesterday. So I will keep this one short, just letting everybody know that I am okay and adding a test I made before.
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
-The attitude of the people in this country
-The thought of being left alone and without friends
-Not being competent enough
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND
-Why some people really can't see their own less positive sides
-How Sna's head works
THREE THINGS I'D LIKE TO LEARN
-More about Celtic culture and language
THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
-Live abroad for some time
-Travel the world
-Write something I really like myself
THREE GOOD WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY
-Full of ideas
THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
-Chronic backache I could do without
THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW ABOUT ME
-That I am quite low on self-confidence
-That I have a weak spot for really bad television
-That I have the worst biorithym in the world
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
-Plau! (don't ask)
-Nou ja zeg!
THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
-London...about a zillion times
-The Deep South of the United States
THREE NAMES THAT I GO BY
-Ehm..yeah...you know, the girl over there with the dreadlocks...
THREE SCREEN NAMES I HAVE OR HAD
THREE THINGS I AM THINKING RIGHT NOW
-It is friggin'cold in here, I bet my radiator is broken.
-I still have so many backgrounds to write this week, buggerbuggerbuggerbugger
-I really should update the journal more often Current Mood: sore
|Monday, January 17th, 2005|
|Brand New Start. Inetending on burning some ships this year.
So. New year (well..yeah, okay, give me a few weeks to grow accustomed to it) and a fresh start. I should write in my journal more often. One of those things that are top on the to do list and remain there...not good.
I am not going to update on weeks and weeks past full of socializing, applying jobs, working, larping, cuddling with my Love, shopping, being in cars, talking, eating and all those other –ings. Undoable, and not that interesting. I think it’s a lot more important to update more often from now on, than to update three months in a row.
Saturday was Mage Guild Suicide Special day. The gang was all there...we went in, we kicked ass, we went out again. Yes, that is correct. None of us died, despite al lot of threats from the SL’s that it would be a massacre. Yeah. For the NPCs maybe. Alright, we may be a bit cursed now. But there is nothing a lot of good will and a big-ass ritual can’t fix, kiddo.
So far for the good news. I am not happy at all with my performance on the special. While the others seem to be getting better and better in more than one way, I seem to have come to a standstill. I am now taking up the part of glorified fighter, and I hate playing characters that are a few spells short of a magebook, even if that is only what the others presume. Still doenst feel good. But well...I might be too much of a perfectionist.
I am currently very busy working. I am working 9-17.30 every day. Oh yes, the hell that is called Callcentre. Do not get me started. I am talking to rude and annoying customers drinking bad coffee, getting blamed for everything, growing a head-and backache while being bossed around by the local office-nazi. Thank god the pay sucks too.
But I only have two more weeks to go.
And I still love my friends. Especially on days like these, the thought of talking to them in the evening, having fun and making great plans for lives, is pretty much what makes me get up in the morning. You guys are my caffeïne, my holiday and my safety-net. Love you all more than you will ever know.
Might be a good start for the year 2005. Bring it.
Current Mood: drained
|Wednesday, November 24th, 2004|
|Just showing I am alive
This little message is just to prove I am still alive, just not doing stuff worth writing down here.
The past week has been busy but uninteresting. Not much fun things are up, me doing errands around the house and applying for jobs like crazy, but without success so far. That and talking to some people on the intenet is pretty much it right now. Went to my Love for the weekend, which was good as always. He was pretty busy, but we still found time to go out for dinner and buy him fabrics for a proper great kilt. Dropped it off at Annet and Nokey's to get it custom fit. I am sure it will be pretty.
I am travelling around some for several job intervieuws, and will have another one tomorrow, after which I am off to my Love's house, so maybe I will have something to tell after that.
PS: I never knew rummaging trough EBay looking for insane stuff was so much fun! Anyone up for a rubber duck with an evil spirit trapped inside it?http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5508453273 Current Mood: bored
|Tuesday, November 16th, 2004|
Wednesday I went to my love. He had to get out pretty early which ment I had some time to kill before I went to Formanterra. I went to Femke, which was fun. We had some time to chat and laugh together, and drank lots of coffee. We'll do that again asap beautiful!
When Femke had to go to work I went to Alwins' place, where some time was spent talking and gaming, which is always a good combination. The man also has some quite disturbing early 90's dance classics CD's...*shiver*
At 6 Alwin dropped me off at Alexander, where Sna soon came to pick me up. I was very glad with the ride, thanks again man! I didnt had to go by train with my huge backpack and swords, plus it is just so much more fun in driving there with Sna and Rene. We had a good trip and spent the evening preparing stuff, sewing and drooling over all the amazing props Cora and Rene made.
Formanterra was the best.
It definitely had one of the better plots I have ever heard of, with lots of personal roleplay and lots of psychological roleplay and lots of...ROLEPLAY. Hardly any bashing going on, and I liked that. I didnt get a chance to play a lot of roles, since the plot was low on NPCs though we had plenty, but it was still fun. René and Cora made sure all the NPCs knew very well what was going on and what was going to happen, which made the atmosphere very conspiring, and the NPCs very happy to be part of it. Nothing beats walking next to an NPC knowing someone will be there to scare the shit out of him in a minute or so. Nothing beats standing next to Sna as he fires an enourmous crossbow, pushes it into an innocent girls' hands and watches the fun with that sardonic grin we all know and love.
And the roles I did play were fun. Friday night I played a member of the very interesting staff of the mansion. Marie was just a housekeeper with the most annoying accent ever heard but it was fun. I made the accent up on the spot and I thought it sounded like Utrechts, but someone told me it sounded more like I came from Rotterdam, which makes no sense since I almost never really come there, apart from visits to my Love. Weird. But it was fun to run around, being rude to all the guest when our Major Domo Lucas wasn't looking (thanks for all the laughs Sna) and prectically accusing the players of robbery when Mary's room turned out to be empty. The best scene however was when Marie went to wake up Lucas because all players insisted on believing he was the source of all evil. So I had to dress Sna, who had just gotten out of his costume as he thought he was finished, and we gave him a stunning light-blue nightgown underneath his jacket (how come everyone thought the man was gay?),we put on his wig practically upside-down and off we went. Great to see the frustration of the players when all their theories fell apart. While they tried to get Lucas to talk in his sleep and tell them everything they wanted to hear (including that he was Mary, killed Mary and/ or was her secret love slave) Marie stood there wailing they should leave the poor man alone, which caused the players to get her to confess that she and Lucas were actually dead for several centuries. Sooooooo...
The danse Macabre leter that evening was also superb, the effect of the ghosts dancing in the blacklight to the creepy music definitely made up for about 5 hours spent sewing white tule to the costumes so they would light up.
And then the saturday started with a shock as the mansion had turned spooky overnight (cobwebs and all, another hour-and-a-half less sleep for a small group of monsters including me) and half of the staff, including poor Marie, were found hung in the morning. The fact that the players hadn't slept that night (IC of course) gave them enough to thing about during the day, and if they didn't the plot threw in some strategical and often very personal poltergeist activity. It all worked to quite a climax that night when some obviously dead Dreghori came to teke the players to the big graveyard. This was a scene that was I think never before created for LRP and is unlikely to be ever created again. It had taken so much time and was SO worth it. An area in the wood was stuffed with about 60 gravestones, most of them with the names of players on them and lit spookily by the torchlight. After the first shock undead versions of some players showed up. It turned out the grevayard was the future graveyard of the area, and apperantly all players would be dead in 10 years time. The SL had given the NPCs very careful instuctions and background to learn, so they could all act it out and tell the players about their fate, the way they died and the things that happened in the meantime. There were a lot of personal nightmares there. While the NPCs confronted the players with their awful causes of death, a prince found his grave among the Tredanya (total outcasts) and ran around screaming he would not die a Tredanya. Too bad *grin*. A woman who ran away from her abusive husband found herself buried alongside him. Stuff like that. It all made a nice and spooky scene, where I had to play the double of Jane (I dont think we look much alike, but well) and she did great, as always. I just kept hoping I wasn't ruining the character. Somehow it feels really weird to 'steal' someone's character, even for one scene. You can only hope you are not doing it any disgrace.
After the players found out their future selves were soulless and couldn't enter the afterlive, they went to search for the Orb of Souls. If they could claim it and break it it would set the spirits free. So there was Matthijs, as the keeper of the Orb, asking everyone 'do you claim the orb of souls?' and telling them they didnt understand what it was really about. Must have been frustrating. They whole thing became a bit of a running gag among NPCs (Do you claim this cup of coffee?).
Sunday went much like the saturday, working up to a climax when at least the host showed up, being introduced as NightMary. She then called up all the main enemies from previous episodes, and we kickes the players out of the mansion area. Thats right. We won, the players lost. Now I think they'll have some food for thought for the next time.
All the cleaning-up was pretty exhausting, so I was very glad Sna drove Matthijs and me all the way to Urecht. Again: thanks, man.
And thank you to all the players and my fellow NPCs. A very high level of roleplaying achieved here, with a very nice plot, but also time for chatting and laughs. Next time i will definitely be there again. Current Mood: happy
|Tuesday, November 9th, 2004|
|Yeah. This one too.
Really Long Survey (over 200)
Created by starsbleed2nite and taken 44807 times on bzoink!
|What is your name?||Karijn|
|Are you named after anyone?||No|
|What's your screename?||Karijn|
|Would you name a child of yours after you?||No|
|If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?||Marten|
|If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?||The name is good as it is.|
|Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?||Lots. Usually confusions with Karin/Karlijn|
|Would you drop your last name if you became famous?||Yes|
|If not, do you want to be?||No|
|Age you act:||Depends|
|Age you wish you were:||This one will do. I'll get to try them all after all.|
|Happy with it?||It's okay|
|Happy with it?||I like change but can't dye the dreads|
|Your living arrangement:||With my parents.|
|Your family:||Parents, 2 brothers, one sister.|
|Have any pets?||Three cats: Piraat, Nelson, Mandela.|
|Whats your job?||Unemployed|
|Tattoos?||Temptoo's on shoulder and wrist|
|Obsessions?||None. A lot of things I am passionate about though.|
|Addictions?||Coffee and internet|
|Do you speak another language?||Yes. More then one.|
|Have a favorite quote?||Instead of cursing the darkness it is better to light a lantern|
|Do you have a webpage?||No|
|Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it|
|Do you live in the moment?||Not often enough. I am working on that one.|
|Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?||Yes|
|Do you have any secrets?||Of course|
|Do you hate yourself?||Too often. Working on that one too.|
|Do you like your handwriting?||No|
|Do you have any bad habits?||Talking too loudly and before my turn.|
|What is the compliment you get from most people?||That I am full of ideas and sweet|
|If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?||A Breathtaking True Story About a Highly Caffeïnated Girl With Good Intentions.|
|What's your biggest fear?||Being left alone and unloved|
|Can you sing?||Good enough|
|Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?||No|
|Are you a loner?||In a way, I definitely am.|
|What are your #1 priorities in life?||My friends. And finding out who I am.|
|If you were another person, would you be friends with you?||I have no idea|
|Are you a daredevil?||No|
|Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?||Don't get me started|
|Are you passive or agressive?||Agressive|
|Do you have a journal?||Yes. What do you think, I'm gonna post this at the supermarket?|
|What is your greatest strength and weakness?||I am very passionate about things and people I love, but I easily panic over them.|
|If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?||Being more confident and calm|
|Do you think you are emotionally strong?||Not really|
|Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?||I should (have) writ(t)e(n) more often.|
|Do you think life has been good so far?||Yes|
|What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?||Worrying really doesn't make things easier. Try to enjoy.|
|What do you like the most about your body?||Curvy|
|And least?||Bit too curvy|
|Do you think you are good looking?||No. |
|Are you confident?||Sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not.|
|What is the fictional character you are most like?||I wouldn't have a clue.|
|Are you perceived wrongly?||Yes|
|Do drugs?||Some occasional weed.|
|Read the newspaper?||Yes|
|Go to church?||No|
|Talk to strangers who IM you?||No|
|Sleep with stuffed animals?||No|
|Take walks in the rain?||Yes|
|Talk to people even though you hate them?||Yes|
|Like to drive fast?||No|
|Would or Have You Ever?|
|Liked your voice?||Yes|
|Hurt yourself?||Mostly emotionally|
|Been out of the country?||Yes|
|Eaten something that made other people sick?||No|
|Been in love?||Yes|
|Done drugs?||See above|
|Gone skinny dipping?||No|
|Had a medical emergency?||No|
|Had surgery?||Not really|
|Ran away from home?||No|
|Played strip poker?||No|
|Gotten beaten up?||No|
|Beaten someone up?||No|
|Been picked on?||Yes|
|Been on stage?||Yes|
|Thought about suicide?||Yes|
|Pulled an all nighter?||Yes|
|If yes, what is your record?||I dunno, It's all hazy...;)|
|Gone one day without food?||Yes|
|Talked on the phone all night?||No|
|Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?||Yes|
|Slept all day?||No|
|Made out with a stranger?||No|
|Had sex with a stranger?||No|
|Thought you're going crazy?||Yes|
|Kissed the same sex?||No|
|Done anything sexual with the same sex?||No|
|Had a dream that came true?||Yes|
|Broken the law?||Yes, but only small things|
|Met a famous person?||Yes|
|Have you ever killed an animal by accident?||Yes|
|On purpose?||Not if insects are excluded|
|Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?||Yes. But not often and it had a good reason.|
|Been on radio/tv?||Yes|
|Been in a mosh-pit?||No|
|Had a nervous breakdown?||Yes|
|Had a dream that kept coming back?||Yes|
|Belive in life on other planets?||Yes|
|God?||No. But there is something.|
|Love at first sight?||Yes|
|Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?||Yes|
|Witches?||Hard one. Only as some sort of religion. |
|Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?||Yes|
|Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?||No|
|Do you wish on stars?||Yes|
|Deep Theological Questions|
|Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?||No|
|Do you think God has a gender?||No|
|Do you believe in organized religion?||No|
|Where do you think we go when we die?||I don't know. It misght depend on the person.|
|Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?||Yes|
|Who is your best friend?||Several|
|Who's the one person that knows most about you?||My mother|
|What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?||Some things you just can't change. Then don't allow them to break your heart.|
|Your favourite inside joke?||At the moment: Trois sacré!|
|Thing you're picked on most about?||Weirdness|
|Who's your longest known friend?||Louise|
|Shyest?||I don't know. I get people out of being shy around me pretty easily.|
|Ditziest?||Don't know the meaning of the word|
|Friends you miss being close to the most?||All my friends who live too far away, dammit.|
|Last person you talked to online?||Edwin|
|Who do you talk to most online?||Richard|
|Who are you on the phone with most?||Joris|
|Who do you trust most?||Most of them|
|Who listens to your problems?||Suus and Femke|
|Who do you fight most with?||I don't|
|Who's the nicest?||They are my friends, so they are all nice.|
|Who's the most outgoing?||Suus|
|Who's the best singer?||I don't hear them sing too often. Might be Richard.|
|Who's on your shit-list?||I won't say|
|Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?||Yes|
|Who's your second family?||My Larp-friends|
|Do you always feel understood?||No|
|Who's the loudest friend?||Most of them are. That's good, because so am I.|
|Do you trust others easily?||No|
|Who's house were you last at?||Joris|
|Name one person who's arms you feel safe in:||Joris|
|Do your friends know you?||Not all of them know the deeper layer. In general they do.|
|Friend that lives farthest away:||I don't know|
|Love and All That|
|Do you consider love a mistake?||No|
|What do you find romantic?||Can be almost anything in the right time with the right person.|
|Turn-on?||Honesty, naughtiness and inventiveness|
|Turn-off?||Stupidity, rudeness and self-centeredness|
|First kiss?||Have to admit I was drunk.|
|If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?||Sorry to have to hurt his feelings.|
|Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going||Yes|
|Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out||I think it pretty much is|
|Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv||Yes|
|Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?||No. Though I hope so and I know at least one of them does...|
|What is best about the opposite sex?||Calm and reliable|
|What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?||Average tact of an incoming Leopard Tank|
|What's the last present someone gave you?||A calendar|
|Are you in love?||Yes|
|Do you consider your significant other hot?||Yes|
|Who Was the Last Person...|
|That haunted you?||No-one ever did. I think|
|You wanted to kill?||No-one|
|That you laughed at?||My mother|
|That laughed at you?||My brother|
|That turned you on?||My Love|
|You went shopping with?||My mother|
|That broke your heart?||Never broken in that way|
|To disappoint you?||Myself|
|To ask you out?||Alwin, in a non-dating way|
|To make you cry?||Myself|
|To brighten up your day?||Joris|
|That you thought about?||Femke|
|You saw a movie with?||Joris|
|You talked to on the phone?||My Mother|
|You talked to through IM/ICQ?||Don't have it|
|You saw?||My father|
|You lost?||My aunt|
|Right This Moment...|
|Are you going out?||No|
|Will it be with your significant other?||No|
|Or some random person?||No|
|What are you wearing right now?||Pants and sweater-nothing special|
|Body part you're touching right now:||I need both hands to type|
|What are you worried about right now?||What I want in the future|
|What book are you reading?||Feet of Clay- Pratchett|
|What's on your mousepad?||Smarties|
|Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:||Confused with hope for future|
|Are you bored?||No|
|Are you tired?||Not really|
|Are you talking to anyone online?||No|
|Are you talking to anyone on the phone?||No|
|Are you lonely or content?||Content|
|Are you listening to music?||No|
Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink!
Yeah-coudln't resist. Pretty hard though, I think people are a bit too complex to catch in a fwe phrases. But it was fun. And I am sorry for the spamming. Current Mood: okay
|Monday, November 8th, 2004|
|How can a mage cast THROUGH a polearm? Gotta learn that trick...
Yes, yes. I don't update often enough. I KNOW. I will better my life from now on.
I think it would be quite idle to comment on some significant things that happened in the world past week. Check my friends'journals if you want to know. I care about those things, I really do. I for one stayed up until 5 am to watch the Elections. I just think that there have been enough comments about it, it is too late anyway, I cannot change any of it, and, most important of all: I really prefer to talk about those things in person. I love discussions about the situation in the world, I just don't see the sense in writing all this stuff where no-one can really react on it. So if you want opinions, talk to me in person or on MSN or somewhere. Just know what you are doing: once I go to politics and the like there is no way back. I will not let you go for at least an hour. You all be warned.
So two weekends ago (Sjeesj I suck at updating)I went to Siege. Total Siege score:
Hours of sleep: 2
No decent meal in: 30 hours
Backpain: 90% of time
Cold: 50% of time
Got killed: About ten times
Number of blows: infinite
Number of blows too damn hard: 75%
Opponents cheating: 50%
Fever attacks: 1
Happy: HELL yeah.
It was just the atmosphere...wow.
When we arrived in Brussels at about 8 pm on sunday we heard the event was a little different than expected. I was not really surprised, since I had already been wondering how it would be possible to let us play for free over there. So it turned out we would be NPC-ing for a Belgian group that night, and as a thank-you could use the location for our own game the next day.
The location was a Citadel from Napoleontic times. It was awesome. Google Citadel Montmèdy if you do not believe me. It was absolutely huge and walled, with this little village inside with very old houses. And even though I thougt that the rumour about the location being Luxembourg would not be true, since that is much too far away, it was actually in France. Erm. Worth the travelling though.
At first I felt a little disappointed about the cahnge of plans, but when I thought about the actual coolness of the situation...nobody had told the players anything about this huge operation. There were about 100 players over there, expecting the same 30 NPC's as before for end battle. Instead of that they got 250 extra NPC's, including some of the best trained and -equipped fighters in Belgium. So the battle began, and we marched to the battlefield in small groups, so the players would get the shock of more and more soldiers showing op at the horizon. And I have never been on a battlefield quite like it. The entire background of the looming citadel in the background was breathtaking. Then throw in lots of great-dressed soldiers, a starry night, battlecries, torches and wardrums and things suddenly get very atmospherical and realistic.
Too bad that most people there could only speak French, so we did not understand the spells that were cast on us. Plus they were all given superpowers by the SL's too keep at least SOME of them alive. But it was an overall good battle. Apart from the people with 200 hit points and the language problems. Good fighting going on. At the end, about 30 players survived. More than expected, but the players were really good, and some of them were even actually roleplaying. And the reactions at teh end were great, all the people thanking you, telling that it was the best battle ever and that we scared the shit out of them. No thanks.;)
Yet, the powers of some of those people...if you ever hear any Dutch larper yell 'trois sacré! TROIS SACRÉ!'with every hit, you know he was there.
The next day was filled with a lot of little wargames in the 'defend this, capture that' direction. It was all good fun, even though we were tired beyond salvation. The group was very fun to play with, being Oblivion is the best (Nooo...you attack. We stay right here and take out the winn...defend the back from archers) and we had a few good laughs shooting trailer-footage as the Oblivion army. It almost ended up with everyone plunging to their death in a gorge but hey, anything for nifty videotrailers!
The way back home was long and I had a fever, but I ended up home safely. The next day of course I slept and slept. And I went to my Love since it was his birthday. I had some drinks with his family. It was good, even though I might have been a bit too tired to enjoy it.
Back at home me and my parents stayed up to watch the US elections. To us politics-lovers at home it is like the Olympics. Think 3 very caffeinated people talking trough all the comments with things like: "Hey! That is not fair! Kerry is supposed to win that one! Hey! Not Florida too! That is impossible! Damn you Bush!". But of course, in the end the moron did win and we all know that. Well, we can't change it, so I will just state it as a fact and then stop complaining about it.
Then last Saturday I went to Malayvanti. It is a new event and some things don't work properly yet, but it is a potential hit I think. There were just too many players that didn't do much and ignored the plot. I think that mainly was because there were many people playing somthing they made up on the spot or practically so, instead of playeing an actual dead character. The people who played very good were the one with a chacter they knew and had feeling with. Juul, Izzy, Gert and Andrea did good, for exemple. They actually tried to solve the plot(which was very well written, given the fact that it was a playtest and on one-day)and roleplay. Zenzel was there too of course. When all players had to paint on the wounds thet killed them, he caused some laughs by taking Juultjes advice and painting a huge footstep on his face. After all, the man was run over by a hundred shades. He looked like a bloody mess. But he is still one of teh best roleplayers I know, and playing with him as Zenzel again gave me goosebumps. It really took me some willpower not to change costume and join him, even if the consequence would have been that Ezra died. But of course I didn't, and just played my NPC part. Only to hear from him that playing with me somehow freaked him out too. My hair made me look too much like Ezra to him. Well, maybe next time. I will never kill Ezra for it, but it would be the best roleplay ever if he would be there to greet Ezra to the afterlive.
After the live me, Juul and Kaas drove to Roosendaal to go to my Love's birthday party. There weren't as many people as expected and we (together with Onno)were the only LRPrs there, but it was fun. And of course, for me it was also just great to see my Love again. The next day I stayed with him, and we just slept late and relaxed, he put Onno on the train and we spent some time gaming: he actually playing and me asking the stupid questions because I didnt know the game. It was one of the Star Wars games. A very old one with pixels the size of pizza's. but it had great gameplay and looked interesting. So now he is going to 'fix it for me, no problem'. I lovesss him, he is the best. *smug look*
I had a job interview today. I have no idea what my chances are, I just hope I'll get it. I am SO sich with applying to those damned jobs. But I will write more letters tonight. I just need work now. Quick.
There is a lot coming up for me now. I got a big to-do-list and I am feeling confident and ready for the future for a change. I am going to work so hard I will not even feel guilty about going to Formanterra next weekend, so I can enjoy the great crew there. I am sure it will be a blast. But first...things to do. Lots of them. Current Mood: calm
|Thursday, October 28th, 2004|
|Painters, herrings and roaches. Or me being bouncy.
And yes, I agree with Ghost Musician, the Michaelangelo-sketch is the best they ever made, which is very special since I am such a huge fan...
"I do not like the desciples."
"Are they too jewish? I made Judas the most jewish."
"No. It is just that there are twenty-eight of them."
"Well of course too many!"
"I'll tell you what you are looking for! You're not looking for a painter, you are looking for a bloody photographer! Bloody facist."
"I am the bloody pope!"
Sorry for the spamming here. Naah. Not at all ;)
But hey, I have always liked shrubberies. I am not too fond of herrings though, so that is lucky for Arthur and his men...oh wait. I am Arthur too!
I bought presents for Miss_Antropy today, but I won't tell her anything. I know how annoying she is when she wants to know something, but I still won't ;)
You know what is really strange?
How sometimes when you are sleeping late with your boyfriend your mind wanders off to very weird things. This morning we were lying there all snuggly and pretending-to-sleep and I kept thinking someting like: "I wonder if that giant cockroach in the commercial is a robot or an actor in a suit or a little bit of both? Hmmm..."
|Wednesday, October 27th, 2004|
|The Eternal City
So now I finally found a spare moment to comment on Rome and the days after.
Of course I had a blast in Rome, what else did you all expect?
I have really seen a lot that week, though not even a month would be enough there. It was like my College Books coming to life. It was fantastic. Marveled at the Colloseum, went to the Etruscan Museum, stood practically on the Rostra in the Forum and walked almost the entire Via Appia.
And then I am not even taking about the general atmosphere in the city, the traffic, the nice people, the beauty of the buildings and the general quality of the food. Yes, I am definitely one happy girl when it comes to this.
Unfortunately we do not have many pictures. My parents had just bought a camera, and preferred it over pictures. And we are of course not at all skilled filmers. Besides that, my brother was the only one that could operate it, and he is a bit eccentric. So now the tape mainly consists of shots of escalators, nuns and the closets in the appartment. Ah well. Buy the guide if you want to see it all. Much prettier pictures anyway.
But the best thing was my birthday. My parents celebrated it with cake and a few presents (the idiots even inflated a bunch of balloons)but they kept saying the best was yet to come that evening. So they kept taunting me all day, giving very confusing hints that caused the to dread that it was something terrifying like a couple of waiters singing happy birthday in Italian and making somersaults. So after a lot of stressful searching we went to a restaurant my parents insited on visiting. And then, all of the sudden, my Love walked into the restaurant. I was so surprised...unbelievable. I still feel my heart beating twice as fast just thinking about it. And I cried. I will never ever make fun of suprised people on TV anymore, I always used to call them show-offs when they cried. It was the best present ever. He stayed for two nights, and my parents even got us a hotel room. Also very welcome of course...;)
Now are my parents the best ever or what? It was all very soap-opera like. And my love who flew back and forth and took all the trouble. A am still madly in love. He is the best. He also made me a very gorgeous dagger with my name written on it in Elvish. Wow...
Downside on it was that I missed some great parties, including some get-togethers from the BBB Mage-guild. I hope there wasn't too much plotting going on without me. I highly enjoy all the plotting and planning and general evilness. It would be too bad if I couldn't keep up with it anymore.
Downside two is that I missed the Moots. Well, it all went wrong there with the drow, but I heard Leviathan in general was coming along great, and I would like to have been a part of that. On the other side, I can't go everywhere. And it is not like I could have prevented any of the things that happened there, so well. I am wondering what next Moots is gonna be like. Except for the fact that my character will be quite devastated with the number of deaths, old softie as she is, someone told me I was actually not at all missed this time. Not the greatest thing to hear. I really got to change that then...
But hey, it is like having a big giant icecream all for yourself and calling the fact that it doen't have any sprinkles a downside.
I seem to have a bit of trouble with the whole Fresh Start thing. The last few days I have not been on my best, very little energy and lots of headaching going on. So I heve actually done very little. I haven't even fully unpacked yet. I really really really loathe myself when I am like that. Who ever died and made me lazy and lacking energy? Besides that, I am also having an over-average number of friends going through a hard time, which is not a good thing for a natural worrier like me. So I can't stop the speed of thoughts in my head (still about 100 a minute) but it seems like a lot of the creative ones got replaced my mere worriying, destructive thoughts in the what-if spectrum. It just all comes from loving my friends too much. Add the fact I am just feeling confused, worried and worthless when it comes to myself right now, and the picture just isn't too bright. Just one of my moods again.
I also seem unable to get any ideas or work on projects. That is SO unlike me. I never imagined that when I would host a Vampire campaign, I wouldn't have enough ideas to get it all started. Me without ideas? Leave alone the drawing and writing I planned on doing these months (what drawing and writing? exactly. It just seems like picking up a pencil or pen is too much trouble. This isn't me! Aaaah! Really makes me sad. Especially seeing all my sweet and brilliant friends so full of ideas and energy. Thank all the gods for MSN. If I hadn't my friends to talk and laugh with...I know this sounds a bit more dramatic then intended, it is just that the fact that my days being filled with nothing forms a bit of a cocoon around me, it makes me losing touch with the real world, where people work hard and have a distintion between work time and spare time. That is what I miss most I think. The possiblity to appreciate spare time since it is opposed to something else. Actually feeling so good you are producing something or doing valuable things in that same spare time, and not waste it over internet/TV/newspapers.
Now on the other hand there are some pretty cool things going on. My boyfriends'birthday will be next week (have got no present! Aaaaaaah!), I am going to see him this afternoon too. I got three weekends of LRP in a row coming up. I hope I will still have time to find work and everything...
Yeah, that too. Searching for work is driving me fucking mad. Now I am going to have to say things like 'Nooo, I would LOVE to work from 11 pm to 7 am in a warm, noisy factory for a couple of euro's an hour. Please give me the job!'. Argh. No money. And I really really need it, so anything will do. And it would really help if all those people would have the courtesy to call you back when they promise it, and when all the job agency's that said they could find you something would actually do so, and if there would be anything in the newspapers that requires a little more intellectual capacity than that of the average banana, so you can actually keep doing it for more than 4 days without going suicidal, thank you very much. And now don't say I am too picky. I am very much beyond picky. The only thing I am just feeling a bit too good for is picking pubic hair out of drains as a maid in the local hotel. Now look at me being all picky...
But hey, I am doing what I can. Still not bored, friends still sweet as biscuits, my love still the best man in the world, just had a great holiday....I have to agree a bit with Sander on this. What is actually there to complain? Still, love this journal for letting the pressure off every few days or so... Current Mood: awake
|Wednesday, October 13th, 2004|
I have had some very good days. I could use them.
The fresh start thing seems to work out pretty good. I am getting used to this high-energy lifestyle thing. Just not too much though, on account of me being still me, and I am the kind of person that thinks, thinks again, daydreams and then doesn’t have the time to act anymore. And I do not feel like changing me. Ah well. Fresh Start Good. The term still makes me smile though. It always reminds me of the Pratchett novels and the Club that goes by the same name…
I spent most of my Friday with my love. I had not seen him for a week, and I was goddamn glad to just snuggle up next to him on the couch and be happy. We watched Underworld together, quite some food for discussion since we are both World of Darkness players ( he plays Werewolf and I play Vampire though, so we kind of had the eternal struggle extended to our couch). It went something like this. “Yeah. So he dies instantly. Bullshit.” ”Well…could be silver bullets though” “Yeah…maybe. But they don’t work that fast, do they?” Gotta love those common interest things. Thank gods we are both great fans of talking trough movies a lot.
We slept late Saturday and I went to a party at one of my friends from university. When I arrived it turned out o be just that very close group of friends I had ( and hope still have) at university. I really should try to keep in touch more. Since I dropped out of school I don’t run into them there anymore. We used to roleplay together but it kind of came to a standstill. So apart from some occasional drinks I hardly ever see them. Man did I miss those guys. We shared so much common interests and hung out so much, it seemed to other people like we had some sort of code language. They started calling us the Familia, and we still use it as a name of honour today.
We had fun and pizza, we talked, we watched TV. Just like the old days. Lots of South Park, and I forced them to watch The Gamers. They thought it would be a typical thing for us freaks (larpers) but they ended up laughing their asses off, just as I expected. We ended the evening with a Magic the Gathering battle circle of about three hours (hey, we are nerds!) which I won, of course. ;)
Monday was spent getting frustrated over not being able to get a proper job. I got a gymnasium diploma, speak English and everything…what’s wrong with me? I want to work dammit! I don’t even really care what I do. Well, apart from cleaning toilets, that is. Still no luck. The people I get on the phone are either completely stupid and have no idea what they are talking about, or very haughty, giving you the feeling that you should be very glad they give some of their precious time to talk to you, lowly worm. They always say they’ll call you back and never do. Knowing for sure none of them is half as intelligent as me (not meant in my favour, but against theirs) adds to the fun. If I didn’t need the money so much ( and man I am in debts) I wouldn’t bother anymore. Really.
Tueasday I went to a dinner for the birthday of my Love’s father. It was fun, really easy going. I was glad since I still was a bit nervous. But I had fun, it was cool. The hard part was saying goodbye to my love, knowing I wouldn’t see him again in 10 days. Seems like a long time.
In the last week, I cleaned up all of the mess here at my parents’ house. It was a lot, I had two rooms and now all the shit has to fit into one and it still should be accessible. But it worked, and everyone knows clean rooms make you feel a lot better and more energetic. Works for me.
I also found a spare dummy, so I made a Book of Power and worked on my Vampire Campaign. Fun to do, that’s for sure. I cant wait until I get the Core Rule book and really start with the fun.
It is really time to go packing for Rome now. Good luck to the people at Moots, I will think of you all. See you in more than a week. And now I can’t wait until I am in Rome. Man am I gonna enjoy this to the limit…
PS: I was at #larp and reminded one more of the fact that a lot of my favourite people, including my Love, live in Rotterdam and do nice things like dropping in on each other for coffee and chatting and having fun in general. And I am stuck in Utrecht. No fun! Current Mood: energetic